I am a simple man with simple criteria for picking who to vote for:
- No racism/overpopulation/Chinese are coming to take over dog whistling.
- No homophobia or transphobia or general “traditional values”/“parents rights” retrograde hate.
- No sovereign citizen, freedoms eroding, One World Government, anti-vaccine nonsense.
- Strong policies on tackling climate change - zero emissions ASAP.
That’s it, that’s all I ask of my federal politicians. Anything else they promise is a bonus.
A. Reason Australia - Yolanda VEGA & Harry MILLWARD
Looks sensible. Nothing in their policies list that upsets me. I’d vote for them.
B. Damien RICHARDSON & John McBRIDE
Damien is a former actor upset about the COVID related lockdowns. Another big priority is ensuring cash remains legal tender. John (Consultant) has nothing about him on the internet, not even a Facebook page. I found someone with the same name who ran for the Victorian state senate with the Labour DLP party - who if you don’t know, oppose same-sex marriage, abortion and assisted suicide.
C. Australian Democrats - Leonie GREEN & Stephen Peter JAGOE
A quick scan of their website and 2022 election platform shows nothing particularly disturbing.
D. Liberal/The Nationals - Sarah HENDERSON, Bridget McKENZIE, etc. etc.
I don’t need to explain this outfit.
E. Legalise Cannabis Australia - Elissa SMITH & Wayne TAYLOR
Unsurprisingly, want to legalise cannabis in Australia. I’m not against it, but I also don’t care.
F. Sustainable Australia Party - Stop Overdevelopment / Corruption - Madeleine WEARNE & Robert LONG
Most of their policies sound alright, but every sustainability party I’ve seen in the past is really just a front for anti-immigration policies and NIMBYs. Nothing online for Madeline (Regenerative Farmer) and Robert (Scientist). I’d put this party towards the bottom middle, above the sovcits and overt racists.
G. Australian Values Party - Chris BURSON & Samantha ASSER
Their policies aren’t that bad and there’s nothing on the website that particularly disturbs me. However, a quick look at the AustralianValues.org.au Facebook page has a post about how the ABC’s “Investigations Unit is a law unto themselves”, has interviews with Avi Yemini and the leader of the party appears to be a typical Queenslander with Facebook brain. Probably the least offensive of the cookers out there though.
H. Derryn Hinch’s Justice Party - Derryn HINCH & Ruth STANFIELD
Considering the guy is a high profile senator, I have no idea what his values are or how he votes. Let’s take a look at Derryn’s voting record: Voted for: Drug testing welfare recipients, Imprisoning immigration detention workers who record or reveal information from their work, Offshore oil mining, Adani’s proposed Carmichael coal mine in the Galilee Basin.
I. Animal Justice Party - Bronwyn CURRIE & Chris DELFORCE
Animal welfare is low on my list of priorities, but if that’s what someone wants to dedicate their life to, good for them. Their non-animal related policies seem sane and their love for animals aligns with strong action on climate change so in the top half of my list they go.
J. Australian Progressives - Antoinette PITT & David KNIGHT
First thing on their website - Federal ICAC Now, Climate Change Action and End Poverty. All good things and a quick scan of their policies don’t have any obvious weirdness.
K. Australian Labor Party - Linda WHITE, Jana STEWART, etc
You know what the ALP is.
L. UAP - Ralph BABET, Kelly MORAN, Kenneth GRIMMOND
I didn’t even bother looking at their website. Clive Palmer is a selfish prick that’s only concerned about his mining interests (see his form as an MP between 2013-2017), who put Craig Kelly, the definition of what happens to your brain you spend too much time on Facebook, as leader of the party. Ralph, Kelly and Kenneth could be top people with hearts of gold and views that perfectly align with mine, but they chose to partner up with those two fuckwits.
M. Socialist Alliance - Felix DANCE & Angela CARR
I like a lot of the dot point ideas they list as policies.
N. Australian Federation Party - Vern HUGHES, Karen KIM and friends
This Facebook post says it all. They oppose abortion, “recognise and affirm biological sex”, “provide default clean feed for ISPs” and so on. Unelectable to me. To the bottom you freaks go.
O. Shooters, Fishers and Farmers Party - Ethan CONSTANTINOU & Nicole BOURMAN
Most of their Facebook page is content from their activities in the NSW upper house. All their policies not related to 4WDing, shooting, fishing and land management (topics I give almost 0 fucks about) are very light on detail.
P. Pauline Hanson’s One Nation - Warren PICKERING & Stuart HUXHAM
Ponzi scheme roping in gullible political hopefuls that will achieve nothing except lining Pauline Hanson’s pockets. Same way I feel about UAP, I feel about One Nation. Fuck em.
Q. Citizens Party - Robbie BARWICK & Craig ISHERWOOD
From their climate change policy - “the Citizens Party rejects the hysteria of climate alarmism, and has exposed the politicised claims of climate change to be fraud”. Okay then.
R. Morgan C JONAS & Monica SMIT
S. FUSION: Science, Pirate, Secular, Climate Emergency - Kammy CORDNER HUNT & Tahlia FARRANT
Everything they stand for, I am into.
T. Susan BENEDYKA & Christine RICHARDS
Look like a pair of harmless Chardonnay sipping lefty grandmas.
U. The Greens - Lidia THORPE, Adam FROGLEY, Sissy AUSTIN, Zeb PAYNE
If you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re familiar with The Greens.
V. The Great Australian Party - Darryl O’BRYAN & Geoff WHITEHEAD
Rod Culleton’s party. Enough said.
W. Liberal Democrats - David LIMBRICK, Krystle MITCHELL & Caroline WHITE
A painting of the Eureka Stockade on their website gives me hope, but then I see “Freedom from COVID alarmism”, “No net-zero emissions target”, “Consumers having the power to opt in or opt out of regulatory regimes”, “A flat 20% income tax above $40,000”.
X. Informed Medical Options Party - Nick CLONARIDIS & Robyn CURNOW
Anti-vaxxers against abortion and fluoride in water
Y. Peter BYRNE & Jason WARDLE
These blokes are members of the Socialist Equality Party. I assume they didn’t get enough members to be registered as a party, so are running as independents formally, but practically, reflect the policies of the Socialist Equality Party - which I don’t hate.
Z. Victorian Socialists - Aran MYLVAGANAM & Laura RICCARDI
Some of their taxation ideas are wild, but hey, we could do with a nudge in that direction (but maybe not all the way). I like their vibe.
- Glenn FLOYD - anti-vaccine big time: “And I will INCINERATE you and your family in your home if you FORCE me to take these LETHAL untested poisons!!!”
- Allen RIDGEWAY - appears to be off the grid entirely, smart man, but a poor way to get elected
- James BOND - joke candidate?
- Neal SMITH - is on Facebook and Twitter, but gives no insight as to what he wants to do as a senator besides be one
- Max DICKS - funny name, wants an ICAC, has “Leaving you alone” on website
- Bernardine ATKINSON - no social media or website, but this interview highlights her three policies: national service, nuclear power and giving more money to local councils
- Paul ROSS - founder of the Citizen’s Dividend Organisation, who have a policy of $20k/yr for every “non-jailed in-country adult citizen”
- Nat DE FRANCESCO - no website/social media either
- Joseph TOSCANO - a doctor that wants a UBI, an Australian electric car industry, increase intake of refugees, more green energy
- Tara TRAN - 2022 Brimbank Citizen of the Year, big grab-bag of policies I mostly agree with
- David John DILLON - so many “policies” that I don’t think have been give much deep thought, but on the surface are mostly okay
- Geraldine Marie Antoinette GONSALVEZ - a website! Policies seem ok except for “Restoration of parental rights” (a typical homophobic/anti-trans dog whistle) and blocking internet porn. Gives preferences to UAP, Great Australian Party, Informed Medial Opinions, etc
Note for 2022: voting in the senate has changed - above the line you gotta number at least 6 boxes, below the line at least 12. AEC website explains it all.
Finder have a handy website that’ll let you fill in a senate ballot at home so when you go to the polling booth you get the numbers in the right order: